7.03.2012

Lessons from the First Year

On Sunday, Rashan and I celebrated one year of marriage. So exciting! I loved being able to say I was married less than a year! But now I love that we get to build even more upon that wonderful first year. Are we officially no longer newlyweds??? Anyway, here are the things I've learned in the first year.

1) You don't have to say everything that comes to your mind. LORD HAVE MERCY!!! I have always had a problem with my mouth so this was a struggle for me. I'm not quite so bad as if it's on my mind, it's out of my mouth but I don't hold things in. I see no reason for that. I should say I saw no reason for that. When it matters, I'll speak up but...
2) Some things aren't worth the argument. This goes right along with number one. There are 7 million things that I like just so and 3 that Rashan likes just so. At the beginning, I had to tell him my every pet peeve. Oh my GOODNESS I know I worried the mess out of him. Sometimes he would just sigh, others he would look at me like I'd grown an extra head, still other (fewer) times he would respond.
3) I LOOOOOOVE RASHAN! I already love him more than I did before we got married. ALREADY. And I could've told you that at three months. Marriage is a serious commitment. We're in it 100% and it shows! When we were dating and even living together, I always knew either of us could leave whenever but this is REAL. There's no up and leaving. There's no ignoring the seriousness of this commitment. And being on one accord about that is enormous.
4) I can relax. I am so much more chill when he's around. He has an incredibly calming presence. If I'm having a bad day, he doesn't even have to say anything. A hug is enough to release all of the tension I was holding in my shoulders.
5) Our parents are the anti in-law nightmare. When people talk about their horrible in laws... every single time... I thank God that neither of us has to deal with that. They don't stalk us about having children, they don't say mean things to us about the other. They are rooting for our marriage and wouldn't do anything to tear us apart. Marriage is hard when those you love don't support it. I'm so, SO glad we don't have to worry about that.
6) Keep it in the family. My first friend to marry did so almost 5 years ago. She said an older lady gave her advice to keep married issues between married people. I had kind of realized this a little in the year or so prior to our marriage through hearing some SPECTACULARLY bad advice (that I didn't follow), even from others in relationships, but I really stuck to it once we got married. Any petty argument or one of us getting on the other's nerves? We'll be over that in no time. But if I tell anybody else about it, they'll remember it forever and bring it up again. I don't even tell my mom and I tell her a lot. The most I'll say is "he's getting on my nerves." That's plenty.
7) We can live on surprisingly little. It has been interesting to be a single income household to say the least but we've made it work. We hope never to be here again without a much larger nest egg but we have done it. It wasn't always easy but it wasn't as difficult as I might have imagined.
8) Nothing happens if you go to sleep mad. Sometimes you wake up over it and other times you wake up knowing you'll get over it but ready to talk about it like a sane person. Just go to bed. LOL
9) We can still learn new things about each other. This is one of my favorite things! Considering at one point we were both prolific bloggers, including two streaks of blogging every day for months, had years of daily marathon phone sessions of 6-12 hours and yet we still manage to find stories the other doesn't know about. I love that this will happen for years and years.
10) My mother LOVES this man, y'all! It's a bit crazy! I need you to chill out. This is another reason why I don't tell her about our spats. She'll take his side!
11) Some days we still have odd communication gaps. We don't miss anything huge because we're very careful to ask about the big things. But sometimes we make an assumption about something because we know each other pretty well. That assumption just happens to be wrong. Like where he didn't tape a show I wanted to see because he knows I don't like a full DVR. Um... I'd rather have the show. I can watch it and clear the DVR.
12) My day is better with him in it. It was already true but it's even more true now. When I'm having a terrible day, a little Rashan takes it all away.

*And Rashan wants you to know you go through cereal so much faster when there are two people eating it!

8 comments:

Trish said...

Happy Anniversary!! You two are a great couple. Cheers to many, many years to come!!

The Goddess said...

Aww. Happy anniversary to you both. I can't believe it's already been a year. Wishing you both a million more years of love and happiness. Ok, not a million, but you get my drift. :).

K. Rock said...

Aww this is just lovely! I love love and I love that you two are in it.

Missez B said...

Yeeeeeess to numbers 5 and 6!!! I so agree.

And my mother adores my husband too. She would take his side if given the chance as well, but like you I don't share stuff with her and she's my main confidant for most other things.

Missez B said...

Oh and I feel you on #8. So true. Going to bed mad (usually me) rarely happens but when I did I was always good when I woke up and we end up talking about it and then probably joking about it.

Sparkling Red said...

Happy Anniversary! It's sweet that you two are still so lovey dovey.
So true that you have to pick your battles in a marriage. My husband and I both like our 7 million things just so. It took a long time before we were able to share space without fights but after ten years we're pretty good at it!

Jameil said...

Thanks Trish!

Thanks TG! I can't believe it either! It simultaneously feels like we've been together a long time and no time at all! I told him he owes me at least 55 years! :)

Thanks K!

Missez B... LOL... Moms! But I'd much prefer that to her hating him! I mean are we supposed to lose sleep to fight?? After a while you're getting nowhere! LOL

red... thank you! I didn't know y'all had been together 10 years! Wonderful!

nerdgirlms said...

Great post!!

You already know I heartily endorse #8 :)

Congratulations on getting that first year under your belt.