Encounters of the Masculine Kind

In the last two weeks, I must have been wearing eau de 'how you doin' as I conquered the city. All kinds of riff raff saw fit to approach me. I think these things happen mostly to give me something to blog about.

A. Man Reeking of Alcohol at 3 in the Afternoon: (Looks me up and down) Unh! How you doin?
 Me: Fine. (To clerk) Pump 2, please.
 MRoAa3itA: I'll get it if you let me take you to dinner tonight.
 Me: Nah. My husband won't like that.
 MRoAa3itA: Aw man. All the good ones are taken.
 Me: Yeah I guess so.
 MRoAa3itA: Nah! I don't believe that!
 Me: (Silence.)

B. Me: (Minding my own business sitting in my car waiting at the light with the window down enjoying the nice weather.)
 Me: (Horrid face.)

C. Toothless Elderly Man: (Looking pleased in my direction) Hey sweetheart!
Me: (Warily) Hi.
TEM: I think I love you.
Me: (Panicking letting my words come before I think them) No thank you.
TEM: No thank you?
Me: (As we pass each other) You can't love me! You don't even know me!
TEM: Says yo mouth!
Me: (Raucous laughter)

Why does a man 30 years older than all of you have the best approach? I know part of it is more practice but just FYI, laying on your horn and yelling out of your window and looking someone up and down making guttural noises aren't attractive means of communication. I thought we knew this already. You know what I'm gonna say, right? Do better.


K. Rock said...

Lol at "says yo mouf"! Hilarious. I think I would've cracked up at that too. You must have had everything in all the right places to get those type of shout outs girl.

1969 said...

As an Old Man Magnet, I agree....with the exception of the one that said "Hi Redbone", the old men have it going on!

Sparkling Red said...

Hilarious! Old men say the darndest things.
My grandfather used to advise us all: "Don't go out with a hot mouth." Let me know if you can figure out what that means. None of us ever understood it.

Trish said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! All of these were funny! I thank the riffraff for hitting on you so that you can provide us with excellent entertainment!

gradydoctor said...

"eau de how you doin'?"

Best. Post. Ever.

Says my mouf!

Not So Anonymous said...

Says yo mouth...bwhahaha. The other two...just boo.

Nerd Girl said...

Says yo mouth - I love it!!! Old men are definitely the best harassers!

Pure comedy - thank you :)

gradydoctor said...

Came back to read this and laugh again. Damn, this was funny!

Los Angelista said...

How's he gonna go with "says yo mouf" LOL! I can SO see these old guys because they are raring and ready in LA. Sigh.

Ladynay said...


Adei von K said...


followed closely by *(horrid face)* !!!!

ShaBoogiesince1982 said...

BWAAHHHHAAA!! I would love to be a fly on the wall just to see your facial expression during these encounters, lol.

InnerDiva said...

Old men are the funniest! I think because they're retired, they have more time to work on their mack.

God's Sprinkles said...

Hilarious.. Thank you after someone tells you, I love you. LOLOLOL

Jameil said...

I realized the common denominator: I had just finished working out. Now one dude definitely couldn't see anything but my face and shoulders but the rest could... *hides in house after workouts* LOL

k... lolol!

1969... HI REDBONE!!!! Sir... LOL

red... drink water before you leave the house??? Brush your teeth? LOLOL I love it!

trish... lol it's been a while but they came back w/a vengeance! vengeance is mine saith the riff raff!

grady... LOLOLOL

nsa... i can't!

ng... LOL you are welcome!

liz... LOLOLOL raring and ready! love it!

ladynay!! i just busted out laughing! hilarious!

adei... that dude wins all day!

sha... it's so priceless! lol

id... lol that must be it! they sit around trading lines w/their homies!

gs... i was so scared of whatever he was about to say!