Really, Cousin?

One of my crazy cousins (yes, I said ONE OF) has been posting baller statuses all day long every 2-6 minutes. When asked why, he said, "Because I'm ballin' so fast..*free throws*..and got so many activites going on. Also I like flaunting and rubbing in all my imaginary wealth to my incredibly imaginary haters. It makes me feel better than everybody else." Apparently he was inspired by people who talk on FB of all their faux ballerificness. Here are a few excerpts.

just bought a HUMMER because he didn't feel like walking the length of the driveway to check his mail *free throws*

wanted to MARRY A MILLIONAIRE!, but then changed his mind when he thought about how broke that is *shooting free throws* (Editor's note: LOLOL!!)

is contemplating putting 22s in his riding lawn mower so he can feel hatred from the many people hating on him *free throws* (Editor's note: I know this is Stace's fave but only if they're spinners.)

is catching a plane to Amsterdam. Not to visit.. That's just where his weed guy lives *shooting free throws*

is wearing his gators today in the rain because he felt like gators belonged in the water *shooting free throws* (Editor's note: Go Gators!!)

also just saved a bundle by switching his insurance to GEIKO but then switched it back because he felt like saving money really isn't all that balling

knows God is Love, but thinks Hate is Gr8-) *shooting free throws* (Editor's note: Hahahahahaha)

Is having yet another Dinosaur egg for breakfast and sprinkling it with blood diamonds to make his doo-doo twankle *shooting free-throws* (Editor's note: I know it's nasty but it's so him...)

wants Cheesecake to go with his Dinosaur egg breakfast & is making Puffy walk to Brooklyn to get it while singing my songs *shooting free throws*

just purchased a Cambodian sweatshop just because FootLocker didn't have his size *balliiin*

just hired DONALD TRUMP as his CELEBRITY APPRENTICE... *free throws*

is making PUFF hold the umbrella because he gave Donald Trump the day off *shooting free throws*

stood Barack & Michele up for dinner last night at the White House because it felt like a ballin idea *free throws* (Editor's note: GASP!)

can't decide what The People want more of.. HATERS or BALLIN' ??

can't decide whether it better to hate on his ballers or ball on deez haters.. :-| (Editor's note: hahahhahahaha)

*YAWN* Welp, I'm off to catch a flight to Tokyo, YOU SORRY STUPID 9 to 5 MFS! ..Dat ain't ballin' *free throws*

is considering cancelling his FACEBOOK account because its FREE! ...and free just isn't ballin' *shaking his head at thought of unballin'*

is having lunch on Pluto instead.. Mars was just too damn close a trip and dat's not ballin' enough.. :-|

is shining his rims up in the rain..just to give 'em that "wet look" as he passes by people waiting to catch the bus *free throws* (Editor's note: *snicker* @ that "wet look")

is seeking counseling to regain control of his life after BALLIN' OUTTA CONTROL for so long (you broke mfs!) *screwface*

is having a 2nd lunch with the Bushs, bin L.adens, and the Royal Family even though he isn't all that hungry. Hunger isn't very baller though :-|

is popping bottles of expensive champagne midday and thought you should know..

says, "The best things in life are free.." Which is why he opted to own all the worst things in life *free throws*

thinks that if you haven't bought your first Bentley by age 14, you're behind the game & setting yourself for failure :-|

says that, "If you haven't made your first billion by age 21, you've seriously wasted your life, probably have NO HATERS, & should kill yourself

considered the possibility dat ppl weren't ACTUALLY "hating on him" but maybe they just hate his stupid-a posts. Den again those thoughts arent very balla

thought long and hard and then decided it was better for him to "RYDE" than to "DIE" ..

wants to apologize for his many posts today, but then again.. Apologies are never really all that baller. Puff ain't never told ME "Sorry." *free throws*

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From 8:06 am until 3p... I should find him a job, right? But what's your fave?