3.24.2009

Restlessness

You know how sometimes you just have a feeling that something isn't right and you can't put your finger on it? That's where I am right now. I definitely think some of it is fueled by Facebook and this constant, obsessive intrusion into other people's lives, but when I was talking to my mom about this feeling the other day, I realized it is also due in part to the feeling that perhaps I should be done with this phase of my life and probably most of all a disconnection from people here in Gainesville.

Facebook is certainly to blame. My closest friends don't live anywhere near me but many of them live within a couple of hours of each other and see each other on a regular basis. I've always wanted that, a community of those I care about. And I need some black people in the mix. That's difficult for me to explain sometimes, but when there is some sort of race-related discussion, it's nice to have a black person there to just be able to talk it out with. I like the people in my program a lot but I'm the only black person so in some ways that part of the conversation is never going to happen. And if it does it will come with a lot of explanation that won't necessarily yield greater understanding. In the next few days I will go into something I've been wanting to address for several years: the importance of historically black colleges and universities in the contemporary world.

Today I've gotten my movie viewing back on track, I blogged and I'm going to do some more cleaning before I head to the lab. I have several things to look forward to, not the least of which is Rashan coming this weekend, another SGRho probate on campus on Saturday, Stace coming on Sunday, then us heading to Tallahassee for a couple of days next week, then a trip to the Keys! Yay!!!

5 comments:

Desy said...

WOW- busy, but exciting sounding weekend.

I FULLY feel you on being the only person of color in your program. UCF is slightly more diverse, so I was never SOLO, but I was one of 2 or 3 OVERALL, which meant it was rolling dice if I ever had one in my actual class. Now in my professional world, I am MOST DEFINITELY the only person of color and I push to be better than the rest (partially because of my personal standards, but additionally because of my skin tone). Hope your presentation regarding HBC's goes over without too much of a need for explanation

Adei von K said...

how did you get your handwriting on your blog!?!? you and shani are too good with this interweb!

yeah, facebook makes me ill and upset. i just saw the status of a gradmate of mine, graduating from grad school in may.

*blink blink*

Rashan Jamal said...

Wait, I have to share you with Stace on Sunday? GRRRR!!!

I understand how it is being the only black person in a group. I used to be looked at as a representative of black people. The difference between us is that I didn't try to make people understand. That was like beating my head against a wall the few times I tried it.

You want to be around people you care about, I want the people I care about to leave me alone. Opposites attract, huh? LOL

Aretha said...

I love the new layout!! I feel you on the black people thing. Oh, how much I understand...lol. I've vowed not to complain, though.

Jameil said...

desy... i think it pretty much depends on the dept. anthropology? ridiculously skewed toward black people. esp. the grad program!

adei... it's just a picture. you can change it in the settings. fb is the worst but i just read this devotional book about thanking God for the phase you're in the middle of. WOW. i read this hours after saying i was ready for this phase to be over.

rj... behave. sometimes i feel like explaining, other times like today when someone asked me how i feel abt people using the "n-word" (not a fan b/c how are you gonna say some people can say it b/c "they're cool" but others can't? people aren't gonna listen to that.) maybe i actually LIKE the people i care about!

aretha... thanks! i try not to complain but it really starts to get to me sometimes.