I've never talked about this on my blog but my father cheated on my mother. For years while they were married. I never wanted to tell people to save my mother's feelings, but it impacted me, too. My sister and I found out because we were hanging out in her room when we were supposed to be sleeping and I heard my mother yelling. My sister was usually the nosy one while I followed the rules, but this night for some reason, she wanted to go to sleep while I wanted to creep to the door to eavesdrop.
I was the oldest, so off we went. It didn't always work like this, but for some reason, this night it did.
When my father left my mother, I asked her, because we were closer, why he left her. She told me to ask him. Very passive aggressive in retrospect, but she was hurting just as much as me but in a different way. I'm not sure whether she expected me to really ask him but I did. I had no fear. I like to get answers and jump into situations headlong.
"Daddy, why did you cheat on Mommy?" I was 13 at this point but at 26, still call them by those names. I tried to change it but my mom never liked any of the names I selected (Mother when annoyed with her and Ma otherwise). I ended up just sticking with Mommy and Daddy. D (as I sometimes call him now) responded, "What kind of question is that?" "Well I asked Mommy and she told me to ask you." "She did, did she?" "Yes. So why did you?" "Because she got fat." I was shocked. Because she got FAT?????? "I thought you loved her?" "I did." Wow... my 13-year-old mind could not wrap itself around the thought, 'He loved her, but that changed because she got fat.'
I just realized, 8 years after I started seeing changes in my body and started working out sophomore year, is that the reason I was so terrified of the freshman (or sophomore) 15 is not because of the freshman 15, but because I didn't want anyone to find that additional weight as a reason not to love me. Obvious? Probably. Definitely. I would notice it right away in someone else, but in myself, though self aware, I tried to deny this one.
Now, my working out likely has something still to do with that, but also to do with the fact that when I work out I look JAM good and like the way I fit into all my clothes and work a bikini RIGHT. No, you can't see pictures. Lol.
When I told my father how his words affected me and how they impacted my sister as well, he didn't get it. Regardless, I've asked him to not say anything about weight to either of us. It's not for discussion. Your daughters should know that you love them regardless of their weight. I'm not saying that we think he loves us any less if we weigh 5 or 15 or 30 lbs. more than we should, but it never feels okay to wonder that sort of thing about your father.