2.15.2006

Would you like a mite of crack in your tea?

i SWEAR!! the damn drunks. ok so when there's a random story that breaks overnight or needs some kind of community reaction (not gas related) i.e. the lawmakers giving themselves a 16 to 34 percent raise, then repealing it or powerball, they sent out the overnight reporter to carson street to question anyone walking on the street. 9 times out of 10, these people are so OBVIOUSLY DRUNK, we can't use the interview. now of course its the executive producer's decision not to use these people, not mine. because if you are stupid enough to put your face in front of a microphone and a camera at 3 am when you've played beer pong for the last 7 hours and attempt to wax poetically about the powerball, then i am gonna let you. and for the amusement of the entire pittsburgh viewing area!!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha. dumb ass.

now this morning, i was the poor unfortunate soul who got saddled with the task of picking thru the closed-eyed drunkards (yes the eyes were closed all 5 minutes of the interview!!), the ones who slur and giggle, to get to keisha. can i just thank humanity critic, a hilarious blogger i stumbled upon, for reminding me of this. if you read that post you'll understand why this came to mind. KEISHA WAS A MAN. a black man around 46/47 with a dusky blond wavy weave and big eyes and estrogen pill breasts and a jean catsuit unzipped to right about here (just under said estrogen pill breasts) and waaaay too much cake foundation in the wrong shade and a gold herringbone chain (they still make those???). i'm like marshall! (fake name of reporter) did you not know that was a man in drag or not care?? lolol i will show it to the weekend morning producer so we can have a good laugh on saturday. lololol. be a queen all you want, but do me a favor, go to mac and get some good shit so i have to WONDER!! some of these people i SWEAR have to like smoke crack or something!!! so i ask, *insert british accent* "would you like a mite of crack in your tea?" and then they reply, "chip chip cheerio good chap, i do believe i WOULD like a mite of crack in my tea! would you perchance have anything other than the house crack?"

speaking of british. louise rennison is like my fave author b/c she's british and CRACKS ME UP!! now my former librarian in college used to keep me in books. she bought books like others buy underwear (all the vickie's obsessors raise your hands). 2-3 new books a week or something like that. something crazy. so when she'd finish, she'd pass them to me. somehow, don't ask how, she stumbled upon carolyn mackler's georgia series. its about this hilarious ass 13 y.o. british girl. titles to follow (with translations in parentheses). dancing in my nuddy pants (dancing nude), angus, thongs, and full frontal snogging (her cat, thongs, making out like a banshee), on the bright side, i'm the girlfriend of a sex god (self explanatory) and of course, knocked out by my nunga nungas (those are breasts). oh the hilarity!!!!! i can't even do these books justice right here and i know you're all looking at this page like what the f... is she talking about (trailing off, clicking the next button) but its funny! hahaha. but the point is. the british are just crackishly hilarious to me. click on the dancing in my nuddy pants link. worth a good laugh!

12 comments:

ProfessorGQ said...

interesting titles from that british lady...wow

Ladynay said...

Why do I feel bad for rarily reading for leisure all of a sudden? LOL

jameil1922 said...

gq. i know... i'm just crackin up from your confused-ish response.

ladynay... lawd!! black people not reading! i declare. you know what they say about black people and books...

Miss Ashli said...

thats why negroes should get audio books. oh gosh i'm such a loser

jameil1922 said...

i'm so confused ashli. why would people get audio books??

Supa said...

I'm trippin' off the drunkards and the badly made-up drag queen!!!! Your description was hilarious!!!!

Interesting job you have. :)

Peabo DeBarge said...

I wanna see some of these videos that can't be aired. I know most of them are just hilarious.

Epsilonicus said...

"chip chip cheerio good chap, i do believe i WOULD like a mite of crack in my tea! would you perchance have anything other than the house crack?"

Wow!!! That was hilarious!

CNEL said...

LoL I have heard stories like that one about the photogs or reporters interviewing the drunkards lol. Atleast it must for good chill time, even if it does end up on the editing bay floor.

I could so hear the British accent in my head, maybe because I have a girl from England in my Sociology class who came up beside me before our test today, and said to another one of our classmates in her perfect British accent "You don't understand, I've not read a thing all year." Now try holding your composure when your Korean Sociology professor has problems understand the "English" speaker with the British accent. Oh the heelarity.

I'm not even going there with those titles.

sweetlime said...

lmao... girl you are crazy. i love british accents if i could fake one i would.

Miss Ashli said...

so they wouldn't have to read books

jameil1922 said...

omg my friends all HATE my british accent! lolol. for those of you who read the comments, but no updated posts, another good drag queen story is http://claycane.blogspot.com/2005/11/looka-like.html

check it out... HILARIOUS! lolol
and do you know while i was talking about the drunks, i forgot to mention the ones who call early sunday morning. without fail some drunk (or several) will call just to have someone to talk to. one guy (pre-super bowl) called to ask if fleetwood mac was performing at the super bowl. producer was like, "umm... no sir. would you like the line up?" he says, "no, i just think it would do the world a favor if i killed fleetwood mac." he then proceeded to keep her on the phone w/bad jokes for 10minutes. COMEDY i tell you! straight comedy!

another GROUP of drunks calls and says (also pre-super bowl, maybe pre-AFC championship) you should send a camera down here, "WE'RE GONNA HAVE A STEELERS RIOT!! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" and they all start yelling. tell me this, we you get drunk, do you have your local news station on speed dial, or do you just know the number? and why is that the first place you think to call? baffled i am, just baffled.... lololol

miguel you have no idea! we have some classic ish! however, most of it gets pushed out of the system (deleted) when we don't use it. only the stuff we air gets kept past a week or two. (sad, i know). so i will enjoy that gem while i can! lolol.

and when there's a memo that locker room footage is coming back and might have some arses, there are suddenly mad searches in the editing system for said arses. they are then paused and blown up. i don't know who did this, butt (haha) there were multiple people in said newsroom at the time of this alleged incident (wish i was there). more than you asked huh? lololol