2.04.2006

Your Lucky Day!!

I am offering a special treat to my readers today. Pittsburgh has more than 50 bridges spanning three rivers. I am going to jump today. I will let you pick from where. One day to Super Bowl XL and I feel like I've been covering it my entire life. For two weeks we have covered every single possible angle of this damn game. I have never cared less about any aspect of the Super Bowl. EVER. I don't even want to see a commercial. Why? Because yeah, we've already covered those, too. I don't care what the best commercial is, who the MVP is, I don't even care who wins.

I would like to warn Open Market Miller in advance she will most likely not like this post!! Lolol. If you are not familiar with the city of Pittsburgh, there is one thing you need to know. Do NOT mess with the Pittsburgh Steelers. You might get shot. Two weeks ago when the Panthers were playing in the NFC Championship (I still love you boo!!), I wore my Panthers shirt to work. Do you know this fool anchor called me out ON THE AIR four times?!! See?? People don't know how to act. He's all like, "There's someone in the building today wearing a Panthers shirt, I don't know what that's about." Then he and el weather mano (is that spanish karamale/dj boughetto stace? what about "el hombre de weathero?") are AD LIBBING ABOUT CONVERTING ME!! NEVER!! I may root for them ONLY if the Panthers aren't playing and it will in no way effect my team. Otherwise, be out. I'm very seriously considering wearing a "Shawn Alexander for MVP" shirt tomorrow just to see the shock and horror on the faces. OOOH!! I should wear it on Monday!! That would be fabulous!!

But for real. Random conversion attempts? What's next? A campaign to get me speaking Pittsburghese? F that. Hard. While running through a cornfield naked (another one of the real HU crew's sayings). There's more but you don't want to hear it. I promise. Lolol. Do you know these people actually have a society to study their crazy talk? . The people who talk funny like this are called yenzers. Its the strangest sounding dialect. And offensive to the ear. Its gotta be the most ghetto country accent you've ever heard. Think Newark, NJ meets Georgia. Are you thinking cacophony? Then, you my friend have found the yenzer way. BTW, yins means "you guys." There are like pages and pages of "Picksburgh" translations. I can't tell you how many people I've heard pronounce it like that. Not Pitt, Picks. Ok this wasn't supposed to be all about yinsers (it has multiple spellings, of course).

The doggone Steelers. Sigh. I can't wait until its over. Is it over yet? I can't take another day of all Steelers all the time, but I have at least one more day of this bullish!!!!!!!! Save me!!! Damn. There are at least three songs I wanted to link for you but they take more time to find than I want to allow for a team I can't escape. I found one site that has so many hits and so much demand, they're asking for a donation to keep it up and running. See??? That's what I'm talking about. Ok I found one. Now I must admit the "Peanut Butter Jelly" remix "Pittsburgh Steeler Time" f/Hines Ward is too hilarious w/him yelling "& Me! &Me!" over and over!! Lolol. And another hilarious one is "Pohlahmalu" taken from the Muppets video. All of these are on the same site. Cracks me up I tell you. It came from some announcer who couldn't pronounce safety Troy Polamalu's name. Its "pohl-a-MAH-loo" as you'll hear over and over in the song.

Here's how else you know this town is obsessed. Do you see that? Babies, animals, cars, houses, churches!!, probably even invalid grandparents. Anything who can't fend or decide for themselves will be assaulted with the "terrible towel" and any other assorted black and gold. Television viewership is measured by Nielsen. An successful newscast could garner a 23 share. That means 2.3 out of 10 people are watching that particular show at a given time. Steeler games are the most watched of any NFL team. Regular season games get a 60 share. This is virtually unheard of. What team do you think of when you think of overzealous fans? Pro Football, probably Green Bay, right? Uh uh. Second w/about 45. Steeler post-season games get an 80 share!!!! That's pretty much the top. That's it.

And yet, the madness continues. Penndot. Instead of traffic advisory messages, all the digital marquees read any variation of "Here We Go" (the team fight song) or "Go Steelers" or "Goin to Detroit." Washington, PA has changed its name to Steeler, PA until Monday. Allegheny County Chief Executive Dan Onorato has issued a permission slip for people to wear black and gold to work for the entire past week. Please. I'm so weary. I need to jump. Did you decide on a bridge for me?

19 comments:

Ladynay said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! People are Steelered down here in NC so I knooooooooooow it's gotta be crazy in PA!

I will say a prayer for you if they win cuz then you gonna have what you have now times TEN!!!!!

CNEL said...

LoL the city seems to take enthusiasm to a whole new level.

But I have noticed as you indicated Pittsburgh fans are very hardcore.

LoL Pitt has their own translations. I just now finding out that us Baltimoreans apparently have accents, and say Hon a lot. But this duded did open his car door as I was walking down a street, and say Hon you have a match. I was like I'm a dude, and no I ain't got no. I said, ain't got no matches. Boo cancer sticks.

I'm not a big football fan, but maybe I'll watch and see what all the fuss is about.

jameil1922 said...

thanks ladynay cuz i'ma need it.

cnel... y'all do talk funny, but its not as bad as yinsers. y'all are like "ballamore" (no t), and yew. and you say your "r's" weird. i'll take that any day over this. there's this radio personality who calls herself "mocha the big body benz." yes she's every bit as ghetto as her name. glasses with the wide gold frame on the side, high gelled hair w/lots of weave, long nails, thickest accent ever. a sight to behold. FOR REAL!! there are even pittsburghers (yes they call themselves that) who can't stand her voice. utter craziness.

Chris said...

LOL, you are really asking for one of those crazy Pittsburghians (???) To go off on you. You gotta ride this storm out, buddy. Just think after the win Sunday, the parade and madness that will probably be Tuesday or Wednesday, everything will be back to normal...I guess.

"N" Search of Ecstasy said...

The superbowl is just a reason for me and my girls to get together and have a party!

spchrist said...

you are sick of this already? what happens IF the Steelers win.

D. Sands said...

Yeah Sherlon is right. If they win, you got two more weeks of that. I should know. I'm a Patriots fan. And you know, we won 3 of 4 and stuff..

jameil1922 said...

chris... i know but i just couldn't take it anymore. i had to let it out.

all... i'm praying for a loss. allegedly if they win, we're still going back to normal news on tuesday. i can't wait to see that. i'll believe it win i see it. if they lose, we're supposed to be back to normal tomorrow. one can only hope.

hursh darren. none of that nonsense over here!! lolol

Shawn said...

It's over. Did it turn out the way you wanted it too?

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

meteorólogo trick, there is an online english to spanish dictionary you can use for free...you do NOT have to be from the County of Palm to speak Spanish!

Stacie von Kutieboots said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Stacie von Kutieboots said...

and they won...i am sooooooo happy for Jerome!!! He is tooooo cute! And Big Ben...I'm all for facial hair but take a clue from another QB, one of my fav players with the Philly beard going...Donovan McNabb. Love him, I do. Or...Black Thought...Ice Cube (he give me fever) I can really go on and on about facial hair...I want to be a Black and Golddigger...in more ways than one. Ain't that right Queen City? Ow!!!!
Naw, I am a true fan of the game, calm down guys...sheesh

jameil1922 said...

shawn i can't even be bothered to care too much.

stacey just hush. you know i don't even want to talk about it. you're trying to piss me off. callin me at 1030 like i don't have to be at work and i can't hear all the people outside screaming at the top of their lungs, beeping car horns and all sorts of other nonsense.

Karamale said...

"el weather mano" translates to "the weather hand". you'd have to say "meteorologo", which is...you guessed it...meteorologist. but they don't really have meteorologists here. they have models who predict that the hurricane will go either right, left, or straight.

never was feeling the peanut-butter jelly song as a representation of booty music. in fact, it's garbage and can't hold a candle to "the birthday song".

why come the main muppet from "polamolu" sounds like the creole dude from "waterboy"?

jameil1922 said...

the weather hand. is that like a stage hand? i can always get with the birthday song. von kutieboots lil palm beach ass is always bringin that out for EVERYBODY'S birthday. that polamalu song cracks me up!!!

Duck said...

LMAO!!! You love it! Admit it, you do! I know, I'm late as hell. But still... we won! And what! I know you weren't happy about that, huh? LOL. Don't mess with the Stillers! LOLOL!

jameil1922 said...

omg i went to the ghettoest victory parade ever!! just a mess girl. black and bright yellow weave and all. dyed hair, terrible towel outfits (w/vest), every manner of black and gold nonsense. girl i tell you. ain't no reason for that madness!!!

Karamale said...

von cutieboots is from the pbc? i need to check huh out.

jameil1922 said...

yeah kar... she cracks me up. she goes to fam, too.