I am offering a special treat to my readers today. Pittsburgh has more than 50 bridges spanning three rivers. I am going to jump today. I will let you pick from where. One day to Super Bowl XL and I feel like I've been covering it my entire life. For two weeks we have covered every single possible angle of this damn game. I have never cared less about any aspect of the Super Bowl. EVER. I don't even want to see a commercial. Why? Because yeah, we've already covered those, too. I don't care what the best commercial is, who the MVP is, I don't even care who wins.
I would like to warn Open Market Miller in advance she will most likely not like this post!! Lolol. If you are not familiar with the city of Pittsburgh, there is one thing you need to know. Do NOT mess with the Pittsburgh Steelers. You might get shot. Two weeks ago when the Panthers were playing in the NFC Championship (I still love you boo!!), I wore my Panthers shirt to work. Do you know this fool anchor called me out ON THE AIR four times?!! See?? People don't know how to act. He's all like, "There's someone in the building today wearing a Panthers shirt, I don't know what that's about." Then he and el weather mano (is that spanish karamale/dj boughetto stace? what about "el hombre de weathero?") are AD LIBBING ABOUT CONVERTING ME!! NEVER!! I may root for them ONLY if the Panthers aren't playing and it will in no way effect my team. Otherwise, be out. I'm very seriously considering wearing a "Shawn Alexander for MVP" shirt tomorrow just to see the shock and horror on the faces. OOOH!! I should wear it on Monday!! That would be fabulous!!
But for real. Random conversion attempts? What's next? A campaign to get me speaking Pittsburghese? F that. Hard. While running through a cornfield naked (another one of the real HU crew's sayings). There's more but you don't want to hear it. I promise. Lolol. Do you know these people actually have a society to study their crazy talk? . The people who talk funny like this are called yenzers. Its the strangest sounding dialect. And offensive to the ear. Its gotta be the most ghetto country accent you've ever heard. Think Newark, NJ meets Georgia. Are you thinking cacophony? Then, you my friend have found the yenzer way. BTW, yins means "you guys." There are like pages and pages of "Picksburgh" translations. I can't tell you how many people I've heard pronounce it like that. Not Pitt, Picks. Ok this wasn't supposed to be all about yinsers (it has multiple spellings, of course).
The doggone Steelers. Sigh. I can't wait until its over. Is it over yet? I can't take another day of all Steelers all the time, but I have at least one more day of this bullish!!!!!!!! Save me!!! Damn. There are at least three songs I wanted to link for you but they take more time to find than I want to allow for a team I can't escape. I found one site that has so many hits and so much demand, they're asking for a donation to keep it up and running. See??? That's what I'm talking about. Ok I found one. Now I must admit the "Peanut Butter Jelly" remix "Pittsburgh Steeler Time" f/Hines Ward is too hilarious w/him yelling "& Me! &Me!" over and over!! Lolol. And another hilarious one is "Pohlahmalu" taken from the Muppets video. All of these are on the same site. Cracks me up I tell you. It came from some announcer who couldn't pronounce safety Troy Polamalu's name. Its "pohl-a-MAH-loo" as you'll hear over and over in the song.
Here's how else you know this town is obsessed. Do you see that? Babies, animals, cars, houses, churches!!, probably even invalid grandparents. Anything who can't fend or decide for themselves will be assaulted with the "terrible towel" and any other assorted black and gold. Television viewership is measured by Nielsen. An successful newscast could garner a 23 share. That means 2.3 out of 10 people are watching that particular show at a given time. Steeler games are the most watched of any NFL team. Regular season games get a 60 share. This is virtually unheard of. What team do you think of when you think of overzealous fans? Pro Football, probably Green Bay, right? Uh uh. Second w/about 45. Steeler post-season games get an 80 share!!!! That's pretty much the top. That's it.
And yet, the madness continues. Penndot. Instead of traffic advisory messages, all the digital marquees read any variation of "Here We Go" (the team fight song) or "Go Steelers" or "Goin to Detroit." Washington, PA has changed its name to Steeler, PA until Monday. Allegheny County Chief Executive Dan Onorato has issued a permission slip for people to wear black and gold to work for the entire past week. Please. I'm so weary. I need to jump. Did you decide on a bridge for me?