7 Beers, A Cosmo and An Afro Wig

doesn't that sound like a recipe for success? or at least one hell of a hangover? because that's what i've got right now. actually just a mini one. it all started 3 weeks ago when i first found out i would be working 9-hour days, 6-days a week for two weeks in a row. i was like, geez! i thought, "i never go out now, i'll be a hermit w/that shift. i'll be too tired to do anything!" but then i said to myself, "self, i'm sure when the schedules come out for the next two weeks, all will be rectified."

wrong. the next two weeks yielded the exact same schedule. one day off on thursday. i'm like wtf??? who's the brains behind THIS operation???? so last wednesday, i find myself absolutely exhausted (of course part of it was mental). fastforward to yesterday. week two. i literally FORCED myself out of bed, mostly because i knew it was my friday. and also because it sucks for everyone involved when someone calls off at midnight for a 1am shift. after work i seriously needed to unwind. now, let me explain a little something about my schedule.

i work overnights for the morning show. that means i come in at 1 a.m. and get off at 10 a.m. i know you're like wtf when the hell does this chick go to bed??? oh around 3 p.m. how strange is that right???? and it has also cut out my beloved breakfast. when 530 a.m. rolls around, i'm ready for FOOD. so that's lunchtime. when i get off, that's right, happy hour!! so this dude at work, (not throne man) we'll call him marcus, had told me about a black 80's party featuring only music by black people and their videos, at the hard rock cafe. and another coworker was having her going away party at the fox and hound so i was waffling through which one i would go to. so that's where the first 3 beers come in. i had a buzz by 3 in the afternoon. it was great. i made several calls to my peeps inquiring what exactly you would wear to an 80s party. i mean when you're born in 1982, that ain't exactly puttin you in the running for knowing a whole lot about the time period.

my friends started getting excited about said party so i decided on the 80s party. went upstairs, took a nap so i could hang, then woke up and started to get ready. so in the shower (stop trying to picture me naked), i decided on a color scheme. my friend mor always makes fun of me b/c i cannot attend a theme party or a big party w/o a color scheme. last night it was based around my 3 inch multi-colored stilettos, yielding a theme of yellow, pink and turquoise. SOOO 80s, right?? lololol. hilarious. it was fantabulous. and i decided i should definitely do it in a way that would not be embarrassing should i show up and be the only person following the theme. yes, y'all, ya girl was unnecessarily fly (which should not be surprising).

so i show up to the "party" and not only is nearly no one in costume (except a girl w/an afro wig and a dashiki and the host who's wearing a kangol and HUGE gold chains), but absolutely no one is dancing. wtf?????? what kind of ish is this?? and i got there at like 1030. nights end at 1030 here? i was tempted to leave after five minutes, but then i saw marcus. let me tell you what he had on. dwayne wayne flip-up glasses, hooded sweatshirt, blazer, jeans cuffed several times, white socks, and black dress shoes. foolish!! but hilarious. i definitely had him pegged as a square who would not have fun. so he introed me to his friends. and i finally met the girlfriend. she was so nice to me from the outset. it was really cool. i was like, "hey! maybe i'll make friends in this city afterall!" (in my head of course). marcus bought me a cosmo. nice. then he asked if i wanted to head out to the fox and hound for corey's going away party. i said, sure why not. we decided to ride together and... cue insecurity, roll insecurity, andddddddddddd ACTION!

the girlfriend loses her mind. she starts being clingy and hanging on him. i guess asserting her territory. it might have been a tad more effective if she had just lifted up her leg and peed on him. it was bad. as we're driving out of the parking garage, she calls him and summons him to her. he stops, speaks for a minute and then says bye to her and he pulls off. to me, she says not a word. this is a girl who 15 minutes earlier is treating me like her newfound friend. really? is it that serious? honey let me help you out. i have no need of marcus. i've got the b.f. and even if i didn't, you ain't got a man you gotta do all that with. you already know where he's ending the night.

so anyway. we proceed to the fox and hound to meet the coworkers. everyone gives us the wtf???-i-didn't-know-they-were-bonin look. i knew that was gonna happen. two black people walk in together. its either a conspiracy or ass right? (rolling my eyes). so everyone's shocked to see me there b/c its nothing but nightsiders. most of these people i haven't seen in literally months. two people i've only seen about 3 times in 6 months, one i had never seen before. lololol. so anyway, everyone's buying drinks so i get two beers i've never had before on the recommendation of my co-workers. i end up with hoegaarden (citrus nightmare ugh!) and victory (dark bitter mess). at least i didn't have to pay for them. so we're sittin around shootin the shit and random people keep showing up. reporters, associate producers, producers, an executive producer. three anchors were there. i was like, hey! that's great! one of them is one of the main anchors on the 5 p.m. news. a lot of the "talent" as they're called can be rather stuck up, especially the anchors. so i thought that was really cool.

so then "cheryl" suggests we go to this after hours club, a negro dive called "H2O." Is there a reason why there's one of these in every city?? nonsense. cheryl is the most perky white girl. with my help, we convince the vast majority of the people to head out there. can i tell you how one of the reporters is this really laid back white guy right? seemed even more straight-laced than marcus. we walk in and he's like a celebrity in there. this guy is being given the first and last name pat on the backs, the works. its HILARIOUS!! b/c they're playing nothing but negro music. its great. lololol. so i get another drink offer. enter beers six and seven. I'm cuttin up on the dance floor and even get some offers to hang w/the work peeps in the future. sounds like great fun! lolol

so then some NIGGA, yes i said nigga, has to go ruin shit by yelling, "aight! time to go!" not bad right? then not even 5 minutes later, he's like, "ok why is everyone still standing around? i said get the fuck out!" really? no thanks. i don't like being treated like a dumbass. and the music wasn't that damn great. so marcus takes me back to my car and we head to "tom's diner." i'm the diner QUEEN! i LOVE hole in the wall breakfast places at 4 am. nothing beats em! i get my regular (two scrambled eggs, bacon and toast and oj) and we just shoot the shit, mostly about being black and in the media. then i hear the theme music come up for the 5am news and i'm like, oh hell no!! so we get up and leave about 10 minutes later. i get some gas and i'm in the bed out like a light by 550 a.m. how's that for making up for lost time? my throbbing head woke me up at 9 o'clock and has not let me go back to sleep. now it has simmered down to a dull headache but still not exactly fun. and this from the girl who said she wasn't drinking last night.