12.21.2006

Dearest Friend,

I love you so much. You are one of the closest people to me. I don't know how to tell you this. I've been saying it in one way or another for months, maybe more than a year now. I'm not really sure. My time perception is a little off. But I'm reasonably sure it's been since before the bf and I made it official.

Your best friend.

I know he's white and you're black and I've been one of our most vocal friends about interracial relationships. It's kind of funny actually because growing up where I did, surrounded by white people, nearly all of my early crushes were white guys. The rest were older males. I've been boy crazy since birth (according to my mom). My time perception was so off that I was certain I could make a relationship work with my crushes at the time. When I was 5, it was a 13 year old, when I was 7, it was a 14 year old, when I was 14, it was a 17 year old. They all ignored me for obvious reasons but hey. All I knew is that they weren't adults and they were cute! Hilarious.

I think the evolution away from interracial relationships started for me when I was in 3rd grade. The white guy down the street, Matt, rebuffed my attempts. Then the white guy, Brad at school rebuffed my attempts in 4th grade. I was confused. We were cool, we were friends, what's the problem? (Neither of them are doing anything interesting with their lives at this point. I say that not to be evil, but to say you stick with me kid, and you're goin places! Hahahahaha).

My mom was not a fan of interracial relationships, but she grew up in Mississippi in the 1960s. Its kind of ironic considering her grandfather was half white. The other day I found out my dad's grandmother was also half white. But ultimately, its not up to our parents, or grandparents or anyone else.

That boy loves you. He really does. I've never met him, but I know he loves you. He will do anything for you. And I don't think you could really do anything to make him stop. Don't be afraid of what other people will or would say about your relationship. You can't stop people from talking, but you also can't ignore your heart. It will only cause you pain in the long run. It's ok to be scared. Do you think I wasn't scared when I stopped fighting how I felt about the bf? You know I was. Because I talked about it incessantly! Lololol.

Look. The point is, you love him, he loves you. A lot of times it's not that easy. But this time, I think it is. Don't be afraid. Just jump. I know he'll catch you.

15 comments:

the joy said...

i agree. everyone jump! jump i say! i've had a few interracial relationships in my day and yeah people still ask if i'm still with "that white guy" but a relationship is just between two people and if its felt dont deny it. you'll find the commonness outweighs the one difference.

Chris said...

Awesome open letter Jameil. Once folks stop tripping off color, ethnic backgrounds and go for what they know, love wouldn't be in such a state of duress. I encourage your friend to jump also. True love isn't something that grows on trees.

CNEL said...

Whoa, that's deep.It had me thinking.

Sometimes people forget that a relationship isn't about looks, it's about how the relationship makes one feel. Are you secure in who you are? Do you feel secure, happy, valued, and validated?

I agree with Joy that a relationship is between two people, it doesn't matter what other people say anyway.

And as Chris said if people focused on what was important, "love wouldn't be in such a state of duress."

Dreamlover said...

Hey, i've never had a problem with inter-racial relationships and so I say to your friend, let the haters hate, it's too hard to meet someone you can love who will love you to sweat the small stuff!

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

awwww man, that was a bomb post. i'm sure her mom would agree 200% with you. i'm sure she'll read this and 'jump' like bossy jameil says!

i'm am soooo trippin gout over 'Matt' and 'Brad'. How white bread are those names??!?!?

stacie doesn't count.

joy, i LOVE your comment! "commoness outweighs one difference"

Epsilonicus said...

Wow. You should actually send this to your friend.

I have been in an interracial relationship. I just did not listen to what other people said. It was easy for me because I believe I am never wrong in the frst place!! lol

jameil1922 said...

joy... hahaha! we'll host jumpfest 2006. people ask me abt the white guy and we were always just friends. well, they know his name but everyone asks me abt him b/c we were always together.

chris... i'm sayin. if you find it, hold on tight.

dream... love let the haters hate. hilarious.

stace... her mom is pushy as all hell. and if i'd known how her attack tactics, i would've postponed this post or not done it at all though i've wanted to for a while. stace... you will not talk about matt and brad. you hater you!! hahahaha. he's so physically her type. she knows she wants him but its hard for her to look at him objectively.

epsi.. i sent it to her. but i don't think she's ready to receive it yet. i'm gonna leave it alone. it's harder when you can see yourself with the person more in the long run.

Madam said...

I agree my friend. Not a fan of interracial dating but not against it either. if it's love, its love.


In the words of Katt Williams: "Why you trippin cause people hating? Is you stupid? You need haters. They just doin they job. Haters are suppose to hate. It means you doin somethin right...If there's any haters in the building looking for someone to hate, FEEL FREE TO HATE ON ME."

Let em hate, it means what you got goin on is great.

Amber Ileene said...

hit very close to home ... i just found out my sister is engaged ... and it is to a white guy theyve been dating for a year and i thought i was cool with it ...until i found out they were engaged and then i had to re-evaluate... why was i so upset ... it does make you think ... very much so...but im happy for her truly i am ... but i cant lie and say that well everyones a little bit racist sometimes (avenue q)...

spchrist said...

You gotta live your life for yourself and not for other people!

Stacie von Kutieboots said...

so deep. hand me a life saver 'cause i think i'm bout to drown.

Waking Up said...

I guess I am in an interracial relationship b/c the chances of me finding someone who is the same ethnic/racial background as me is very slim. What's sad is that for all its worth my inlaw issues have NOTHING to do with ethnicity, but with socioeconomic differences. The only issue was when hubby's grandmother told me not to teach my kids Spanish b/c "we are in America and we need to speak English". I chose to bite my tongue on that one b/c she was old. But that was so ignorant to me...

jameil1922 said...

madame... thanks for quoting kat williams... hilarious. i always thought i was against interracial relationships but when it comes down to it, i just want my friends to be happy.

ai... all i care is that he treats her right.

stace... don't drown. why would you drown?? you are such an ass.

princess.. i hate when the parents speak spanish but the children can't. its so odd.

The Very Reverend Ace Clemmons, Jr. said...

SO well written Jamiel.

My fiance is Black and i am white. there are definetley some things that crop up that have made me raise an eyebrow here and there- but- usually- its not from either of our families...

jameil1922 said...

ace... glad you liked it :D