12.15.2006

When are you getting married?

This is one of the most annoying questions you can ever ask me. Do you really think I know? If I knew the answer to that question, I would have a ring on my finger. Yes, I want to get married. Yes, I may have talked about marriage with the bf. No, we don't know when if it has come up. No, I also do not think you (the endless questioner) need to be the first to know.

Asking me about it every other month will not make the date come any faster. Asking me about it every other week will not make the date come faster. Asking me about it every time you see me alone or in a relaxed atmosphere... guess what? WILL NOT MAKE THE DATE COME FASTER!!!

I am 24 years old. 24. I have a pretty good job, make decent money, with few bills. Can I live on my own for a while before I start shacking up (if ever), getting married and having babies? I've never lived on my own. My parents house, then in a dorm for 4 years, then back to my mom's house, now I'm living with my dad. I would like to just once in my life live on my own before I go straight to the house me and my husband will own. Is that so much to ask? And no I'm not ready to move out yet. I may wait until I leave Pittsburgh. The point is I DON'T KNOW!! SO STOP ASKING!!

This is annoying when you are single. It is annoying when you're in a committed relationship. It's annoying when you hit a year and people act like perhaps you need to be moving it along because you're not getting any younger. What the hell is the rush? No, I don't want to necessarily wait until I'm 30, but that doesn't mean I need to run down the aisle right now. Marriage is a big commitment I only want to make once. It's annoying when half of the married people you have regular contact with are trying to pressure you in that direction. LEAVE ME ALONE!! I PROMISE I'LL SEND OUT ANNOUNCEMENTS WHEN THE TIME COMES!!!

This has been on my mind a while because one of my work friends stalks me about it and it drives me nuts. She told me she was the last of her friends to get married, which makes me wonder why she choses to torture me this way. I'm sure she heard that from her group of 5 or 7 more than a few times. HEY!! CAN YOU LET IT GO!! Sweetlime asked the question and you can see I was more than ready to provide an answer.

Some things you just want to keep to yourself. Maybe the bf and I have talked about it to each other or other people or maybe we haven't. Or maybe we'll never get married or marry other people. Maybe I'll end up the 96-year-old cat lady with no eyebrows who sits at home singing "Dum dum didday!" Who's to say? But asking me about it. It doesn't make it come faster. If you're married and you're reading this, stop antagonizing all of your single friends. Next along this line: male biological clocks. It will be riveting.

20 comments:

CNEL said...
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CNEL said...

I'm laughing because I was telling a colleauge that it's always other people who want to make choices for you.

I tell people that I answer to my God and my mother, and that I ultimately must be able to be smile at, laugh at, and live with myself.

But you're so right a relationship is ultimately between the two involved, and some things aren't for public consumption.

As for the male biological clock, interested to see what you have to say about that. Does it exist? He wonders.

Chris said...

I think people are harassing you and the bf mainly because, sad as it may be, it's awfully rare to see relationships, much less ones that last longer than 365 days (366 in that leap year), so they assume that marriage is next for two reasons; One, they assume that a year together means that you can't live without one another and two, that it may as well be done.

The male biological clock is real over here. I wanted to be married by 26 and a father before 30...I'm 25 now. You do the math.

Dreamlover said...

Men have biological clocks?

Wow, enlighten me!!

Amber Ileene said...

well said my girl... while I am not in your situation I have definantly realized that I'm not ready to give up my independence just yet because I havent fully reaped the benefits of it yet ... so if the relationships comes I'll take it ... but I'll be in no rush ... to many things I want to do for me first ...

jameil1922 said...

cnel... I CAN MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS!! right? geez. the wondering will cease soon!

chris... but damn, what is the hurry? my mom would be annoyed if i talked abt my parents marriage but let's just say i don't want to live by their example. i love them, but they did not need to be married (which is why they are now divorced).

dream... oh yeah girl!

ai... i mean can i please not be shoved down the aisle by those around me?!?! geez.

So...Wise...Sista said...

Folks just looking for an open bar reception, thats all.

"96-year-old cat lady with no eyebrows"

No brows, son? WHY?? lol

Duck said...

Chile... I have to wonder why people are so interested. Why do you wanna know when we're getting married? Did you want to come on the honeymoon? Are you going to furnish the house? You volunteering to be a wetnurse?

Okay...then why you asking?

I think a slightly more reasonable question for people (well, the right people) to ask is if you could see yourself marrying someone. No pressure. No egg timer. Just a discussion on compatibility and possibilities for the future.

Otherwise, stop trying to make plans for me. Unless, of course, you're paying for it all.

X Factor said...

"Dum dum didday!!" I love that because I can SOOOOO see some woman sittin in her house hummin that shit :) But don't sweat the question. I'm almost 30 and people ask me all the time when I'm getting married (as if I have this little man in my pocket just waiting for the perfect moment so I can blow him up and say I do). You'll get married when you get married. And not a minute sooner, dammit!!

Anonymous said...

preach it girl! i'm proud to be in a committee relationship for this long. stop bugging me. i have life goals and that's on the list but that's not at the top. let me be. i think i'm gonna start telling people never just to get a reaction.

btw this is joy. i cant log in...

Madam said...

thankfully, I don't get that question often (people around me know better, they know they'll get their feelings hurt QUICKLY! girl, next time they ask, hit em with a "when u pay for it", "when I find a man not as triflin as urs" or a "when u get a man, ll get married". those might shut some folks up.

Epsilonicus said...

I dont have that problem. People are too used to me being single. They are more surprised when I am in a relationship.

Southern Girl said...

J, I want you to check the time I commented....that's right, it's 5:30 AM??? At work, fun times!;)

People really do need to stop asking that question. Why do some insist that your life has to go in that order. You graduate, you go to college, you graduate college, get married, get a job....hol up hol up hol up...pump ya brakes...there is no need for it to be that way!

I feel you on the living on your own at least once. You haven't lived until you've done that.(pure bliss btw)
Stand your ground...keep the mentality that you have bc you will be rewarded for it greatly in the long run!!

Vdizzle said...

First off, duck is sooo right. Why the hell are you worried about it?
Me and my people's had this convo the other day. Turns out he knew this ladies daughter and the next question outta her mouth was if was he married?

I mean really!?! The world is so over populated right now, it'll be ok if every last one of us ain't dropping some puppies.

And just so everybody knows, I don't see anything wrong with marraige, but there are other things in play and people need to realize that it ain't the end all be all. Sheesh!!!

Elle Willa said...

But what I want to know is...when are you guys gonna set a date? HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

No for real, living on your own is a MUST. I miss dem days.

jameil1922 said...

wise... the browlessness makes it the icing on the cake. its really great. i love it. I'M LOOKING FOR AN OPEN BAR RECEPTION TOO!! i have known next to no one to get married in the last 6 years. UNACCEPTABLE!!

duck... lmao @wet nurse. you obviously have some experience w/this question. my dog went off! hilarious. those who are offering to pay, i'm more than willing to allow you to start setting aside funds! preciate it! i even get a little uncomfortable when folk ask me if i can see myself marrying someone b/c when is almost always the next question.

x... but it doesn't annoy the shit out of you??

joy.. and here i thought you were runnin to get down the aisle. we should start askin folk, can i just do me please w/o YOUR timetable? thaaaaaaaanks!

madame!! lmao @ when I find a man not as triflin as urs!!!! hahahahahahhahahaha!!! that's great. i already have one of those but that is claaaaaasic!

epsi... but you're also a guy and much younger. people are way more willing to come out of their face to someone 23+ and female. guys are expected to sow their oats, women are expected to try to grab up the first breathing male. you have about 5 more years of folk leaving you alone. enjoy it while you can.

southern... seriously. i know me. i think i would be really upset about never having lived alone. i can be such a solitary person sometimes. and if i do go in that order, does it have to be DIRECTLY after college?? b/c we've already passed that. thanks! hahahaha

v... of course there's nothing wrong with marriage. in a sense i can't wait to be married. but i really can though. i think marriage is beautiful but what am i rushing for?

elle... always got jokes.

the joy said...

see if i could break out a lottery win, yeah. i'd love to marry my boo now but i gotta stay in order. so the questions still irritates me cuz they seem to ignore my broke college student ness.

4EverJennayNay said...

HAHAHAHAHA!

You're making a mountain of a mole, hill!

That episode of Fresh Prince is HILARIOUS!

And I feel you on the marriage thing. My immediate fam isn't rushing me, but my extended fam is like "where he at?".

I'm definately in no rush. I'm living the single life and lovin it. I plan to die married after living along and fruitful life with my hubby.... who ever he is... Don't rush me. And the strange thing about it with me is that the folks rushing me are divorced women.

jameil1922 said...

joy... hmm... that's not first on my list of things to do if i win the lottery.

jenn... hahahahhaa!! you are faaaaaabulous! the only one who acknowledged the reference! my father asks me ALL the time. my mother is leaving me alone.

oh HELL NO!! i don't want the divorced to rush you down the same unhappy road!! hell naw.

Mercy's Maid said...

I just stumbled upon this post and I thought it was great. At a 29 year old single chick, I can totally relate.