There comes a time in our lives where we have to grow up. And sometimes that means leaving behind people you've outgrown or who have outgrown you.
From a very young age, I've had to let go of friends at different stages in my life. In first grade, my next door neighbor Adrienne was also my closest friend. Her father did not approve of our friendship (they were white), or her family's kindness toward us, so they moved away. Though I didn't realize it at the time, I was being prepared for the rest of my life.
When transitioning from elementary to middle school, I lost several people I considered friends. Transitioning to high school from middle school, more people fell to the wayside. I wasn't as upset, though because I had created my core. Some of the friends I made in middle school are still my closest friends from home. I'm friends with nearly no one from high school. Again, not really a problem.
People leave our lives for a reason. But the WAY they leave is key. My best friend in middle and high school just stopped talking to me. For a month I would call her and get nothing. A solid month. This after we were used to speaking daily or every other day. Who does that? Then she didn't understand why when she finally called me and there was no normal explanation I didn't really have anything to say to her. So that was a wrap.
Then there was my high school sweetheart. We started dating the end of our senior year in high school, but we had been friends throughout. We were in the band together. We went to Europe together the summer after senior year with American Music Abroad. We stayed together through freshman year in college even though he was at NC A&T and I was at Hampton. The end of that year was kind of rocky but we fixed it over the summer. Or so I thought. When we got back to our respective schools, suddenly e-mails and phone calls weren't being answered. And I knew he was getting my messages because his roommate was in the band with us in high school too and he sounded mortified to talk to me. We were all friends. The last straw was when he missed our two year anniversary.
Wouldn't you call that the last straw? Yeah... then about two weeks later he called me making some excuse about not having a computer or a phone card to call me. Phone card, doubtful. Computer? Liar. He was a computer science major. There are computers all up in and through your academic building. I told him not to contact me anymore. We didn't speak again until his brother and my sister (who were friends) graduated from high school. And that was only because I'm ridiculously friendly. I had already spoken to him kindly because I recognized him before my brain kicked in and said, "WAIT!! You don't like him!! He's a (insert inappropriate language)!!!!" But it was too late. CURSES!! But it lasted that day. We haven't spoken since. That was June 2002.
The next person was my closest friend in college. We were inseparable. People always asked about the other one when one of us wasn't around. We met at Honors College Orientation freshman year. But we didn't really become friends then. Sophomore year we lived next door to each other. I knocked on K's door to see if she wanted to go to church with me and my friend C and she said sure. So we all went to church, then breakfast. Then me and K went to our first class, saw each other. Went to our second class... saw each other. Exchanged schedules and found out we had 6 out of 7 classes together. So that was pretty much it.
She became my drinking partner (scuze me, drankin pahtah! hahahaha) and librarian. Best combo ever. We had our knock down, drag out fights. Then less than a year after graduation, the talking stopped completely. Of course I was hurt but in the last month or so (yes it took almost 2 years) I've gotten over it. We were growing in different directions. Better we just stop talking than kill each other.
I've had to cut some people off myself. Its a necessary evil. We have to be willing to grow up and move on. If a relationship is not working for you, dragging you down mentally, infusing your life with negativity, let it go. Move on.