5.30.2013

Pregnant Problems

Let me go ahead and get this out of the way: I am grateful that my body is able to grow and carry a baby. That does not negate my feelings.

Pregnancy is messing with my head. I have NEVER, EVER had a body image problem. Even at my largest pre-pregnancy size probably 8 or so years ago, I felt beautiful and fabulous. I have surpassed that weight but am probably more fit. I have always thought pregnant women looked AMAZING! So beautiful to see someone growing life! But being pregnant has turned my way of seeing myself all the way around. I understand things pregnant women say so much more now, too. I love pictures of my mom while she was pregnant. She never wanted to take pictures while pregnant so maybe two pictures exist. I never understood this. I get it now. It's not like I won't take pictures because I wish more of those pictures of my own mom were around, but I get it. When you don't feel pretty or like yourself, why would you want to document that???

I also get all of those pregnant people who feel fat. While I know I'm not "fat," I'm pregnant, it still shocks me every time I walk past a mirror. And it's weird to have to roll myself slowly off of a couch or bed so that I don't get nauseous (YES, STILL AT 20 WEEKS!!) or dizzy. It's hard to watch your body gain weight that you have little control over. It's not like you can restrict calories. Theoretically you can eat healthier meals. But maybe you're like me and apples literally make you throw up starting in week 17 whereas in week 16, they were a favored food. I like salad, green beans, asparagus and broccoli now. Pre-pregnancy I would eat any vegetable you put in my face! It's not that I don't want to eat healthy foods, it's that sometimes I physically can't unless I enjoy vomiting. And I do not. At my first visit to my obstetrician's office, the nurse said, "Eat what you can keep down. Your baby gets all of the nutrients it needs, even if it has to take them from your body." Mommy's little parasite! So my baby gets a lot of burgers and fries. And while I love burgers and fries, I long for the variety my diet used to entail. And guys! I don't like water anymore! I used to be able to almost exclusively drink water. Now it has to be super cold or I have to be exercising for me to choke it down.

I'm so, so grateful I'm still able to workout. I know I would feel even more lost without the ability to get some workouts in. It's still hard to slow way down while running. I can probably still out walk you as long as we're not on a hill but running? Not quite. My calves begin to hurt when running, too. My trainer friend said it's probably because I'm planting differently. I can't quite fix that even though technically I should be able to. It's better since she told me that but not completely.

Probably the biggest issue of all? Sleep. I have to go to the bathroom all the time. That means I can't sleep more than 4 hours at a time. Max. And I haven't for literally months. I'M ALWAYS TIRED!! I knew it was part of the territory in late pregnancy and when the baby's here. I did not expect it to start at 4 weeks pregnant. And seriously, if one more person tells them I need rest or even better, "Sleep now! Teehee!" I'm going to ask for their phone number so I can call them every time I wake up or need a nap. So 7 times a day.

Trust me, I know I'm being ridiculous so I will end this on a happy note. Rashan is awesome. I have bombarded him with my crazy and he hasn't flinched. He's even known without my saying it that I needed him to tell me I can't be crazy enough to chase him away. I'm amazed at how much my love for him has grown and I can't wait for it to grow even more when I see him with our baby! Just so you know how ridiculous I am... a picture at 20 weeks. 
I promise if I read this post from a chick struggling with body image and she posted that picture of herself looking like that halfway through her pregnancy, I'd be reacting as you probably are -- eye rolls and guffaws! LOL Writing this made me feel better so thank you for taking some of the heat off of my love!

11 comments:

Trish said...

Girl our stomachs look about the same to me and I'm NOT pregant! HAHAHA! I'm glad that you still have your sense of humor and you're definitely glowing!

Ladynay said...

I am not gay but the first thing I saw were your baby feeders, lol! HALF WAY THERE!!! Woot woot!

discodiva73 said...

Awww...you look beautiful! Body perception is a crazy thing. When I was about 75 lighter I thought I was fat, now I would kill/maim to have that body!

Jazzy said...

I am sooo rolling my eyes at you. You look great! Stop it

Sparkling Red said...

I haven't been there, but I get it. I've had enough pregnant friends. I've heard it all before! ;-) I had a friend who HATED being pregnant. Forget about glowing and having great hair. She was swollen, nauseous, and exhausted all the time. You can't tell someone how to feel about their pregnancy; they're all so different. You're allowed. You're doing great, and so is Rashan. Gold star!

Jameil said...

Trish... LOL I keep hearing I'm glowing. I just know my skin is way oiler than usual!

Lady... ROTFL!!! I get it. They are RIDICULOUS!!

disco... Thank you :) Please no killing or maiming! LOL

Jaz... don't roll your eyes. If I could stop it, I would.

red... I haven't known enough pregnant people. I get how people can hate pregnancy. I had no idea it was a full body event! It's CRAZY! I'm going to put my star on my fridge! :)

Nancy said...

You look great! Belly fulla baby and titties fulla milk. Ain't life grand? Nothing will ever be the same from here on out.

Jameil said...

DEAD!! LOL @ you, Nancy! I'm super shocked at how much everything will change!

innerdiva said...

Girl, I've been there. Twice. Pregnancy is supposed to be this beautiful, wonderful event, but you just feel fat and sluggish sometimes, and you have to pee all the time. Don't get me started on the acne and the itchy belly. The end result is soooo worth it, but the process?

Your sleep patterns now are probably going to be the baby's sleep patterns...

Jameil said...

I didn't get bad acne but the itchy belly is not fun!! I always feel like a toothpick-chewing redneck when I scratch my itchy belly. LOLOL!!!

ShaBoogiesince1982 said...

I think its so cool that you're working out while pregnant. The work out I got was walking from the train station to work, ha! And yes I'm commenting months later.