No, I haven't decided I want to find out what we're having. I decided to try to use some mother's intuition. Mother. That sounds so old. I actually cried to Rashan at a moment of overwhelm, "I'm not old enough to be someone's mother!" He paused, confusedly and said, "You're plenty old to be someone's mother." I know TECHNICALLY I am but 1) mother sounds really really old. Not as old as matron but pretty doggone old. 2) I really don't FEEL old enough to be someone's mother sometimes.
Can we talk about moments of overwhelm? Sometimes it's like, how do you ever truly prepare yourself to be someone's mother??? You can't! I know this 40-week gestational period is supposed to help you get used to the idea but my goodness! Sometimes the weeks fly and sometimes they drag. I turn another week pregnant every Monday (my due date's a Monday) and at or around midnight, we celebrate by reading that week's fetal development. It's so cute and I love it! Side note on my due date: It's October 14th. The 15th sounds like a much
better day to me. I just like the number 15 better than 14.
Sometimes I'm like DUDE! THERE'S A PERSON GROWING INSIDE MY BODY!!! AND IT'S MOVING!! I was walking around yesterday and the baby moved while I was moving for the first time. (I usually feel him moving while I'm laying down or sitting still.) I freaked out. Aloud. Frightening the people I was walking with. It was startling! So unsettling! I couldn't calm myself down for a good 20 minutes. Not like hyperventilating but just on edge waiting for him to do something crazy again. It literally felt like that dude was trying to claw his way out via my stomach! It ain't time, bruh!
I've always wanted at least one little girl. Of the three children I want, one girl (or more) would be awesome. But here's why I think it's a boy. Before I was pregnant, I had a dream that I was driving (I think I was in Atlanta) and talking to our kids in the back seat. I looked back and saw a boy and a girl. They were so cute! And old enough to talk. But I woke up disappointed that there weren't three. I couldn't remember which one was older so I just filed it away.
I feel myself looking at girl clothes wistfully like, "Awww! One day!" Girl clothes are ADORABLE! But they don't seem like a reality to me. When I see myself saying hello to my baby for the first time, I call HIS name. I've said hello to our daughter, too, but I see her coming second. I had a daydream today and I envisioned myself sitting at my dad's country house, rocking and feeding the baby on the front porch at sunrise. I didn't see a gender there. But then I envisioned a couple years later with us standing among the chickens and it was a little boy with curly hair like his daddy at that age. :) And then the chicken pecked at my baby, I ran after it, caught it and told my dad I had to kill one of his chickens for pecking at my baby. This child didn't care. He was chasing chickens himself seconds later.
I could be Nerd Girl, tho and be straight up wrong (LOL) because Rashan is the opposite. He wants a girl and he sees girl every time he envisions our bambino. The first week of June all will be revealed... to Rashan and the ultrasound tech. But for now, only God knows!